


Instant Crush

by Kai_nimura



Category: Yoroiden Samurai Troopers | Ronin Warriors
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Heartbreak, M/M, Memory Loss, Minor Original Character(s), Not Beta Read, Original Character Death(s), Self-Sacrifice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2016-07-21
Packaged: 2018-07-16 15:38:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7273882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kai_nimura/pseuds/Kai_nimura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Touma is comfortable with his sexuality.  Giving away his first kiss and his virginity was easy for him. His heart?  His heart was for someone he would wait for. But would anyone else wait for him? </p><p>(Updated/rewritten with new parts)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. To Wait

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fangirl_Shenanigans](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirl_Shenanigans/gifts).



> This has been rewritten to make room for a better ending - chapters
> 
> This is for Amara77 and artistic-fangirl-shenanigans on tumblr. My muses without knowing.

The closeness they had was always quiet between them. Shu's temperament never seemed to bother him. At least not that Shu could tell, unless Shu had done something to warrant Touma's anger. True, Shu hung out with Shin more, and Touma seemed to match up with Seiji very well. They all had unwavering loyalty to Ryo.

For awhile, it felt like Seiji had romantic feelings for Ryo, perhaps Touma? Shu wasn't sure why that last idea bothered him. But that was when he was 15 and just starting out on the long hard road towards figuring out his own levels of attraction toward people.

So he had decided to just ASK Seiji and Touma, "No." Seiji closed his eyes, "No. No."

Touma was laughing over it, "Sorry Seiji, you're not really my type in that way."

"And you lack the parts I'm interested in." Seiji grinned at Touma, before looking over at Shu, "Shu, we're best friends, but we're not dating or intimate with each other."

"Oh." Shu couldn't believe he had even asked them, just outright asked them. He was supposed to be enjoying this break not asking his friends awkward questions. Winter break spent at Nasuti's place. "Sorry, I thought. I just wanted to say if you where, I would be supportive of it?"

Seiji glanced over at Touma, "That's thoughtful." He wasn't sure what to make of this.

"I guess we appreciate the thought, but we're not together like that." Touma patted Shu on the back.

Seiji got up from his spot on the sofa slipping away, most likely to offer Nasuti help. Or help Ryo hunt down the missing glove or scarf or hat that seemed to magically vanish.

Shu was beside Touma, silent and feeling stupid for his questions. He felt like he was being watched very carefully. He looked over and saw Touma watching him.

Touma didn't say anything, he seemed to be watching Shu, analyzing him, trying to figure him out. Touma reached for the mug of coffee he had, and took a sip. An idea. He lightly licked his own lips, while watching Shu out of the corner of his eye, -there it is-. He caught it, the way Shu seemed to stare at his lips,his eyes trailing down over his body. until he looked up and made eye contact with Touma.

Shu's face turned red and he looked away.

Touma smiled. So that's what it possibly was, Shu wasn't as heterosexual as he made himself out to be. But he could wait, he would wait for Shu to figure it out.

~

Touma was alone with Seiji, inside where it was warm. Instead of outside where Shu and Ryo where having a snowball fight. Ruining Shin's snow man in the process. "Seiji?"

The blonde looked over at his friend, who was watching the others from the window. He set down the tea he was drinking, "Touma?"

"Would you hold it against me, if I asked you to be my first kiss?" The archer chuckled, "I believe it would be beneficial if that happened with someone I trust."

Seiji chuckled at him, "No, but it's odd. I'm not into guys."

"I asked if you'd kiss me not date or do anything else." He clarified. "I figure you might be the only one with any experience in this."

"Not that much experience, I take relationships very seriously. But I have kissed a girl before." He stood up and walked over to him, "Just relax." Seiji pulled Touma closer and kissed him, rather gently at first, doing his best to instruct him through motions. He pulled back to catch his breathe.

Touma took the lead then, he learned fast. He kissed Seiji again, who returned the kiss, holding it. They broke apart and Seiji touched his lips with his fingers, "If you where a girl."

"I still wouldn't date you." Touma took a few steps back and sat down on the sofa that was nearby.

"Yes you would, girls think I'm very attractive."

"I don't believe I could date a guy who was prettier then me."

"Touche." Seiji sat back down and finished his tea, until a snowball smacked up against the window, startling them both causing Seiji to spill the tea all over himself. "We need -better- friends."

Touma put his hand over his heart and laughed. "I don't believe that's possible."

"COME OUTSIDE!" Shu screamed at them from outside.

"I'm locking them all outside." Touma stood up to go cause a little trouble.

However, Ryo had seen the kiss. He tucked that little bit of information away.

~

"Ryo, you need to give me some kind of idea for a birthday gift. You'll get another book." Touma paused, "You're still getting another book." He had already bought the book.

"This party you guys are throwing is enough! Touma, you don't need to get me anything special." Ryo was on the other end of the phone.

"I'm sure you guys are getting tired of books from me, so anything I can give you or do for you. just ask ok?"

"Anything?" Ryo had an idea, something he was personally curious about. He did trust Touma to be able to do this and not think badly of him.

Touma was in his apartment in Osaka, "Anything."

~

Ryo seemed distant after the party, but he had made a promise to stay the night at Shin's with the others. Touma ended up staying with Shin or Shu when he came into town. They where also the first two to fall asleep. Ryo was reading one of Shin's comic books.

"Ryo." Touma hadn't switched into more comfortable attire yet, though Ryo had. He stood up and grabbed a small overnight bag he had. he slipped into the bathroom, which for the small apartment Shin lived in wasn't that bad.

Ryo looked up at the youngest but tallest of the Troopers, someone who had agreed to something. After a long conversation about it before hand. "Are you sure about this?" Ryo followed him and closed the bathroom door behind them. He watched Touma undress and wrap a towel around his own waist.

"You wanted the back massage, but I'm not doing it out there where the guys are." He held up the little bottle of oil. "I learned my lesson of giving back massages around other people, Seiji makes the most...." He was blushing, "He's vocal, and Shin walked in on us. Took a lot of explaining. Shin thought we where.."

Ryo chuckled, "Well you two are rather close." He finished undressing and was going to slip a towel on when Touma snatched it away. 

"Not that close. He has a crush on Nasuti." He waited till Ryo sat down on the little stool before he slipped behind him and poured just a bit of the massage oil onto his hands before starting on Ryo's back and shoulders.

Ryo's eyes closed, his muscles relaxed under his friend's touch. "Do you have a crush on anyone?" He hissed when Touma located a sore spot.

"Something like that. It's not returned. I'm waiting." He shifted away from the sore spot to work on Ryo's arms and hands, one and then the other. Moving so he was in front of him.

Ryo opened his eyes watching a look of deep thought on his friend's face. "Who is she?"

"He." Touma corrected. "And I'm not saying who, sorry."

"So you're?"

"You ask that? Considering what we've agreed to?" Touma spread more oil on his hands as he worked Ryo's thighs and calves, getting little moans out of Ryo. "I'm -comfortable with my sexuality-. It's more of a case by case basis." He was quiet then as he kept working on his friend until he ran his hands up his chest, "Better?"

Ryo didn't reply, at first he touched Touma's face with his fingers tips, "Almost." He pulled him close so he could kiss him.

Touma leaned in and returned the kiss, feeling Ryo remove the towel around his waist, "Ryo, are you completely sure about this?"

"I'm not the one you're waiting for, am I?" Ryo had his hands on Touma's hips, they had agreed to this, but they both needed to know they where ok with doing this.

Touma handed Ryo the bottle and touched his face, no answer from him about that. "Just take it easy at first. I haven't done this before."

~

Shu woke up in the middle of the night, He thought he heard something, and noticed that Ryo and Touma weren't asleep on the futons Shin had laid out. Refusing to share his bed with any of them. That was odd, their stuff was still here, but they weren't. He heard the sound again and followed it to the bathroom.

Once there he slid it open just a bit to peek inside, the first thing he noticed was that no on had closed the secondary door into the bathing area. The second thing he noticed was Touma covering his own mouth with one of his hands, he couldn't figure out why at first. Then he saw everything, he realized everything. Touma seated in Ryo's lap, one hand over his own mouth to try to quiet himself down, the other on Ryo's shoulder as Ryo's hands where on his hips.

He didn't keep watching, he quickly retreated back to the safety of the futon, hiding under the blanket and closing his eyes. He could hear the ticking sound of an old clock Shin owned, the sounds of the city at night. He could hear Touma when Ryo moved his hand away from his mouth. His friend still managed to keep his own voice down. But Shu could still hear Touma say Ryo's name every so often. Shu found himself unable to sleep or ignore the sounds, more correctly the sounds Touma tried so hard to hide. He gave into the temptation and worked on ending his own frustration with his hand.

An hour passed before the two finished what they had been doing, got cleaned up, changed, and went to sleep separately. Shu finally found sleep.

Ryo and Shin where up first, Touma covering his head with a pillow to block out the reality of morning. Shu was up and trying to figure out why seeing that confused him. He had felt jealous, and a little mad. But of who and why he couldn't figure out. He hid these thoughts though, by trying to wake Touma up and getting kicked in the stomach for his efforts. "You are cruel Touma."

Touma rolled up in the blanket and closed his eyes. "Sleep."

"Shin's making breakfast."

"Don't eat it all. You'll get fat."

Shu picked up Touma, blanket and all, carrying him into the bathroom and dropped him into the tub full of water. Touma screamed, Shu laughed, Shin could feel a migraine coming on, but Ryo, Ryo was planning on how to get to New York.

Shin served Ryo breakfast first, doing his best to ignore the other two. "I hope Seiji is ok, maybe his flight just got delayed or he had to stay longer."

Ryo faked a smile, "Yea that's probably it."

~

To New York to save Seiji and back home again. Seiji stayed over at Touma's apartment when they got back. "So you gave Ryo a massage and.." He shook his head, "you gave him your virginity as a birthday gift?"

"You make it sound terrible." Touma was working on dinner, he could cook. Not on the skill level of Shin, but he managed well enough on his own.

"You asked me to be your first kiss, you gave Ryo your body first, and you're holding your heart out for..." Seiji was helping him cook, "Does he even know you like him?"

"Of course not." Touma's tone changed to serious. "I don't think I could handle the emotional stress of him rejecting me. It's something I've thought on a lot. I can wait."

Seiji reached over and messed up Touma's hair, "So how was it? With Ryo?" He knew when to change the subject.

Touma laughed at the question, "Hurt at first, but I expected that. Then rather enjoyable." He grinned as Seiji shook his head at him and went back to helping him cook.

~

Before the Black Armor appeared, the night before Shin and Shu went surfing. "Hey Shin?" Shu was sitting on Shin's bed flipping through a random magazine, while Shin was trying to decide which sun block would be best for the following day's activities.

"Shu?" Shin looked over at his friend.

"Do you remember Ryo's birthday party last year?"

"What part of Ryo's birthday party?" He threw both bottles into the bag to be safe.

Shu rubbed his temples, "The part where Touma and Ryo had sex in your bathroom while you and I slept."

His eyes went wide at that, "What?" Shin turned around standing up and sat on the bed beside him. "Well I was asleep so no. But," he looked over at his friend, "That would really be between them." He put his hand on his friend's shoulder, "Do they know you saw them?"

"No. I can't get it out of my head. It bothers me for some reason. Just, I asked Touma and Seiji a few years ago if they where dating, and they told me they weren't. I see Touma with Ryo and I just don't know! I felt confused and upset...maybe even a little bit jealous."

"Jealous of Ryo for being with Touma, or Touma for being with Ryo?" Shin thought on it, "You are aware that the constant in both events is Touma?"

Shu went silent. "What does that mean?" He whispered.

Shin grinned at him, "So you have a crush on Touma."

"Hey, I never said!" 

"You didn't have too! It's all over your face!" Shin laughed, "So was Ryo fucking Touma or was Touma fucking Ryo?"

Shu's face had turned quite red as he looked down at his feet, "Touma was..on Ryo's lap."

Shin leaned in close, "So you want our Touma on your lap?" He had a grin on his face. "I didn't even know you liked boys, but I could see why you'd pick Touma, he is visually appealing."

Shu pushed his friend off the bed. "I like girls." He folded his arms, "Just, it feels different when I look at him."

~

Shin had run off, Touma and Shu where sporting healing bruises. They had a plan after working with Nasuti, and finally after a long and confusing day of losing two friends through a portal and a fight with another. Touma had finally gotten a bit of alone time. So he cleaned up and had decided that a long soak would ease his mind.

He opened one eye when he heard someone else enter the bathroom, spotting Shu. They'd all seen each other before, even gone to onsen together. He closed his eyes again, until he heard him finish washing and join him. "Why do I have this feeling you've been wanting to talk to me about something?"

Shu watched him, "Are you ok? I mean Ryo did get taken by that guy...and you and him.."

Touma opened his eyes, "Ryo and I?" He suddenly had a sinking feeling in his stomach. This was the worst possible time for this conversation.

"You and Him are together right? I mean I saw you both in Shin's bathroom the night of Ryo's birthday party." Shu looked right at him, he needed answers.

Touma cursed himself, he didn't know they had been caught. "No. We're not." Touma looked up at the ceiling, he found it hard to look at him, "And what we where doing, I never wanted you to see." 

"Never wanted me to see?" Shu sounded confused, not upset but frustrated at this, "Why won't you look at me?"

"Because if I do, then we'll end up talking about something that right now it's not a good time to talk about." His eyes stayed on the ceiling, "I can wait."

Shu shifted in the tub moving so his hands where on either side of Touma's head and he was looking down at him. "Talk about what? What are you waiting for?"

"You." Touma whispered as he made eye contact with him, he couldn't hide that. It was right there exposed, the emotion was in his voice. 

Shu pulled back and got out of the tub, he saw the look of hurt on Touma's face. "Come on, a bathtub isn't the right place for this." He grabbed a towel and dried off, grabbing his clothes and sneaking back to the bedroom. 

He was confused at the calmness in Shu's voice, "What?" Touma did the same shortly after Shu left.

~

The bedroom was dark, but Touma could make out Shu sitting on one of the beds. "Shu?" He approached him after he shut the door, his towel was pulled off and he found himself on his back on that bed. "What?"

"Hey keep your voice down. " Shu pinned him down, "You don't want Nasuti or Jun to hear us." With that said, Shu kissed him. 

Touma stared at him, "Hear us?" He figured it out with that kiss. Oh."

Shu kissed him again and let go of his wrists. "I want you." He buried his face into Touma's neck. "I was jealous seeing you like that with Ryo. I didn't realize it at first."

Touma chuckled, "When we defeat that guy, and save the others. We'll figure this out. But right now?" He sat up and kissed him, "I need you."

Touma found himself moving to Shu's rhythm, his arms wrapped around Shu's shoulders as the toughest member of the Troopers kept a firm grip on Touma's hips. Shu couldn't stop looking at him, Touma's eyes closed, he was relaxed, and in a state of bliss. "Touma?" He brought his lips to his friend's ear before kissing his neck and rocking his hips a little harder into Touma's body. Listening to the other's voice catch in his throat as he tried to keep a moan back. He kissed him again, drawn to him.

"Shu?" Touma opened his eyes and moaned into Shu's lips trying his best to keep his own voice down. Touma understood his own attraction towards his friend, Shu put his heart into everything he did. He gave his everything in all he did. There was something to be admired about someone who could do that.

Shu held on to him, his pace quickened as his grip tightened, "I like hearing you." He held onto him, until they both finished, even after they didn't let go of each other. Until Touma got up and made sure the bedroom door was locked. He quickly returned to bed and Shu's arms.

Finding rest and comfort with each other. They didn't know what was coming, but they knew at least at that moment, somehow they would survive it.

But they didn't know, their time together would run as fast and as short as sand in an hourglass.


	2. To Sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To him, they where worth more then gold and a feast to a poor starving man. Touma would do anything to keep them safe, but at what cost?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Touma VS Ikea.   
> Ikea:1 Touma:0

They all believed they handled the loss of their armors well. They all lied about that. But they all found distractions in their lives to hide their own thoughts on the matter. But it was always there, the memories, the nightmares, the feeling that it would never be over.

Until they where dead.

But for a short time they found peace. Just for a short time.

~

Touma's distraction came in the form of someone who's headstrong nature actually made him a rather passionate and dedicated lover. Someone who truly believed they would be just fine together. But they both knew they would have to hide what they where to each other from others. 

Family mostly, their friends knew rather quickly. They where supportive when they found out.

They had all shown up at Ryo's new apartment to help him move in. Helping Ryo move in actually meant watching Shu carry everything into the apartment and everyone else unpacked Ryo's stuff.

Except for Touma and Seiji who took to assembling a desk Ryo had bought, from a company called -IKEA-. Never before had the two Troopers ever wanted to just destroy anything so badly before.

"IQ of 250 and I'm being beaten by self-assembly furniture." Touma sat on the floor re-reading the assembly instructions. "This does not look right." Touma looked at the desk he was attempting to assemble.

Seiji tilted his head, "I think that's upside down." He flipped the piece of wood over and looked at the directions, "Is this?"

Shu looked over Touma's shoulder, "That goes there." 

"What." Touma looked at Shu, confused by the man's ability to understand the gibberish of Ikea instructions.

"It's not that hard. Look." Shu sat down beside the two men and assembled the desk, correctly and rather quickly.

Seiji just stood up and decided that helping Ryo and Shin unpack would be the best course of action, Shu moved the newly assembled desk to where Ryo wanted it.

Touma however just sat there, "How."

"If I'm good at anything, it's following directions. Sometimes." Shu smiled at Touma and sat back down beside him. He looked over at their friends, who where busy and not looking in their direction. He reached over and tugged Touma closer to him, catching Touma's attention. Shu kissed him, just a short kiss to remove the -I'm supposed to be smart but furniture outsmarted me- look off his face.

"Whoa." Ryo had turned around at that moment. Shin and Seiji looked back and stared.

Touma pushed Shu back and looked away from him, they had been caught. Shu however didn't seem as bothered by getting caught as Touma was. "What?"

Seiji just smiled, "That took long enough." Shin didn't say anything, he just slipped into the kitchen to make something for everyone to eat, and to hide his own smile.

"Touma I expected, but Shu?" Ryo walked over to a box pulling out books to stick on a shelf. 

"Wait." Touma looked at Ryo, "What do you mean you expected?" 

Ryo grinned at him, "Touma."

"Did you expect before or AFTER?"

"Before, I saw you and Seiji kiss." Ryo folded his arms and chuckled.

Seiji's eyes went wide. "What." He didn't know anyone saw.

"You kissed Seiji?" Shu looked over at Touma.

Touma put his head in his hands, "Please stop."

Shu looped an arm around Touma's shoulders and tugged him closer, messing up his hair, "Sorry." He looked over at their friends, "Besides, I'm not gay!" Shu protested, "I'm...I don't know. Just, this feels right." His hand slipped into Touma's.

Touma groaned, "We're not having this conversation. " He leaned against Shu's shoulder and gave his hand a squeeze.

The conversation happened anyway, Touma explained he was pretty much bisexual, leaning towards men. Seiji was heterosexual but could find men psychically attractive, while having no sexual attraction towards them. Ryo believed that a person's heart was more important then what they had between their legs, so he went with the blanket term of Bisexual with equal attraction to both men and women. Shin was mostly heterosexual but admitted he found certain men psychically and sexually attractive, but doubted he would ever do anything intimate with a man. Shu didn't quite know, he had never been sexually attracted to men before, but he knew he was attracted to Touma. Though he admitted he had maybe checked out a few guys before, but he liked girls better.

"So I'm 'special'" Touma looked over at Shu.

Shu grinned at him, "Is that bad? You are my boyfriend now, I guess." He folded his arms, "We did have sex."

"Can you NOT say that around our friends!" Touma's face was quite red.

"As long as you both are happy, that's all that matters." Ryo laughed at the two.

~

As supportive as their friends where, the same couldn't be said about both their families. Touma's parents where fine with it. Shu couldn't tell his, he knew they would not approve of it. So he didn't say anything about it, too worried about a bad reaction from his family if they found out he was involved with another man.

Touma knew that would some day be their breaking point. But right now, it would be ok, as long as he didn't think about the future they most likely didn't have together. And if they did, it wouldn't be an easy one.

"I can't believe you reserved us a room." Touma stretched out on the bed of the room in the fancy love hotel.

"I wanted one of the themed rooms." Shu pulled his shirt off and eyed the clothed man on the bed.

Touma sat up and watched him, "I appreciate the space theme, but it's the bondage stuff that has me troubled." He picked up one of the wrist cuffs that was chained to the bed.

Shu crawled onto the bed and pushed Touma down. His hands worked quick to strip his lover of his shirt. "So you can't get away from me." He kissed him, "I want to hear you make all sorts of sounds."

"You are lewd." Touma laughed before he gave in and embraced their time together. "But, I appreciate the thought. I'm not going anywhere Shu." He took Shu's face in his hands and returned the kiss.

~

They didn't see each other much during school semesters, only during breaks. Even then it was at Touma's apartment or at various Hotels that Shu planned out before hand.

However, their lives changed when Suzunagi appeared. She didn't lie to them, their future was going to be a hard one. With the new armors they stood a chance, not a good one as it would come to be, but a chance never the less.

They got two years of peace, two years. They didn't know that by gaining new armors they attracted the attention of a foe who had his own motives for attacking them. Perhaps the worst motive of all.

Their own personal amusement. They had a plan, an army. The means and power available. With Arago dead, as far as the vast Spirit World knew. The entire dimension was in chaos for the years since his defeat at the hands of the Troopers. Factions at war against each other from various areas and kingdoms. Kayura had managed her best and kept what she could safe. She still lived as did the three surviving Mashos. However they had no choice but to flee, hide, and wait for the worst of the battles to end. She watched helplessly as a new power took over.

Kayura wasn't stupid. She knew this new foe posed a real threat. She went to them, she found them again. She asked for their help and of course they agreed.

They where back there again, the world where they had hoped to never return to.

~

And they began losing. "We're going into this blind!" Seiji was frustrated. They had to HIDE. "We haven't even seen this, Whoever we're fighting, we don't even know WHY. Just waves upon waves of soldiers and those giant beasts. That seem to be tailored to us."

Those beasts he spoke of, large monstrous creatures, armor and dark energy fashioned into elephant-sized monsters, That closely resembled the shape of bears, with long tails that ended in spikes, and claws and teeth. Eyes that glowed in dark pits on their heads. Sharp teeth with no tongues. 

"I'm sorry." Kayura was beside herself.

"Look. It's not your fault. But, " Ryo looked over at his friends, hiding out in a half ruined building. "Go, with the Mashos. If we..." He had to face the reality of it. "If we fail, someone will need to help keep our world safe, find someone else to defend it." He forced a smile. "Is there a safe place you can go?"

"Arago's old castle, it's been left alone." Kayura looked up at Ryo, and over at the exhausted Troopers, in their new armor. "But?"

"We'll be fine. This is what we're supposed to do." Touma looked over at her, from where he was. Checking up on Shin who most likely had a few broken ribs, that where healing.

With that she and the last three Mashos fled the battles. 

~

Their foe finally made his grand appearance. Their hiding place surrounded, all of them recovering from exhaustion and injuries.

"He's.. human?" Touma stared at the man who stood before them.

Dressed like an old Daimyo, but with long white hair, he was quite handsome, and looked just a few years older then the troopers themselves. "Close Tenku. But whatever was human in me is long gone. Except for this form I keep. But let's stop talking about me, and let's start talking about you boys."

Ryo opened his mouth to speak. But stopped when the man looked at him and begun to laugh, "What's so funny?"

"You where going ask who I was and what I wanted? It's very typical of you. But I'll humor you. You may call me Kaoru. Who I am other then that is of no actual concern of yours. What I want is amusement. All of this was done because I was bored, and I truly just wanted to see if I could do it."

"This? was for your own personal amusement?" Seiji stared in shock, such a selfish answer.

"Of course. Not for power or gain, but for amusement. Though this is growing boring. I won I took over, I have a force so strong it scared even the little peacemaker Kayura, which was yes one of my goals. " He laughed, "I wanted to meet you boys, see who was it that defeated Arago, oh yes. He was at one point a force even I would not bother with. But pride and arrogance makes one weak, so he fell to a bunch of children. So I waited, waited for the children to become men, to become worth my time. You are all quite impressive now." He stepped closer to them, watching the five put themselves on guard. "Now, I'll be honest. You five do have it in you to kill me, to defeat all of this. But you won't survive. You will be very lucky if even one of you walk away from this alive."

Shu narrowed his eyes and forced a grin, "We'll just have to see about that, won't we?"

Kaoru smiled at him, "That attitude will get you killed. Now then, as fun as it would be to watch each of you die protecting your crimson clad leader there. Sacrificing each of your lives, shedding tears..." He looked over at Touma and then to Shu, "As lovers die in your arms. Bittersweet to die with someone you care for, to save others, so they can keep fighting." He walked towards Ryo and stood in front of him. "I'd rather prolong my own life, and my own amusement. So I have a deal, I'm going to suggest you take it. I will stop my war, I will hand over my army to Kayura, in exchange for one of your lives. Just ONE of you."

Ryo took a step forward but was pulled back by Seiji. "Ryo, no."

"But don't worry boys. I'll give you time to choose your fate. 48 of your hours, to decide. Just one, or we play the long game and all of you will die, alongside me. Your families will never know what happened to any of you, and with my own death, this world's fate will be once again at war. Have fun." He laughed as stepped back and vanished. The troops pulled back, and left them Troopers alone.

~

Silence between them, They had all screamed at each other only hours before, each one claiming they should be the one to sacrifice themselves.

All of them fought, but one stayed quiet. He waited till the screaming and fighting was done. He had listened to everything they all said and made his own choice. He had sleeping problems, he wasn't sure why he brought them along, but they now came in handy.

Touma waited until Shin had managed to make them something to eat, Kayura had left them supplies. He laced every dish but his own with crushed sleeping pills.

He was careful not to overdose them. He watched them fall asleep. His heart broke, "I'm sorry." Touma whispered. He moved each of his friends into more comfortable positions. He sighed when he laid Shu down, brushing his hand against his cheek. "I can't let you do what I know you wanted to do. I could never let you give up your family for me." Touma had heard his lover talking to Shin about his plan. Shu wanted to give it up, his role as the family's heir. For him. Shu knew the risks, he knew he'd lose so much, but he was willing to do it to keep Touma. "Someday, forgive me?" He knew Shu couldn't hear him, he kissed him gently and couldn't stop himself from holding him for a minute, he buried his face into his neck. He was scared of what he was doing. 

But to save them? That would be worth it. Shu had his family to go back to, his future as the head of his family. Seiji was also going to take over as head of the Date clan, Shin would be head of the Mouri clan, Ryo always would put himself in harms way for them. It was time for Ryo to be saved instead of always saving and sacrificing himself. He finally pulled back letting Shu go, "I really, really liked you Shu." Touma let him go and activated his armor.

"To.. Touma?"

The archer looked back and saw Ryo, struggling to wake up. "Ryo." He walked over and kneeled down beside his friend, who wore only their new sub gear.

"Why?" Ryo grabbed Touma's hand, he was so confused.

"Because, Shin, Seiji, and Shu are needed by their families. Because, I can't let you give yourself up for me, or any of us again. Because I never knew real friendship or love until I found you guys. You're my family, so I'm going to keep you safe. I'm sorry Ryo." Touma pulled his hand back and as hard as he could whacked Ryo on the head knocking him out.

He stood up and he left.

~

Touma found himself standing in a rather ornate looking room, he had been escorted to a single building and lead inside.

"Remove the armor please, all of it. You won't be needing it." Kaoru wasn't facing him, he was looking into a strange glowing ball that hovered in the middle of the room. He waited for a few moments and turned around to face the Trooper in question. "Touma." He smiled as Touma walked over to him, wearing only his normal clothes.

"What now?" Touma sounded exhausted, not defeated, just tired. He watched as Kaoru waved a small box over to them, it hovered in the air beside them.

"Personal items in the box please. Including your armor."

Into the box went his armor, wallet, and rather reluctantly - the 100 days couple ring he had. Shu had it's twin. They had been a typical couple in some ways. They never wore the rings, just carried them. "They'll be safe, you won't hurt them?"

"Your friends will wake up back in your world, safe and alive. I do keep my promises." Kaoru shut the box and had it float away. "You, on the other hand." He reached out and placed his hands on either side of Touma's forehead, his thumbs gently rubbed small circles on his temples. "Won't remember any of this. Killing you would be too easy."

Now he was confused, "What?" Touma found himself unable to move. 

"This is for my amusement remember? What fun would it be to kill you? Your friends would mourn you and move on, carry your dead body away and visit your grave." He smiled at him. "No Touma, you'll live. Not that your friends will know. What should I take from you? Your name, your memories, Leave you with enough to survive and live. I'll leave the emotional attachments you have to your memories, but take the memories." Kaoru leaned in close to him, "Five years Touma. I'll take five years of your life away from you. Just enough to give you a life where you are not you. Just enough to change you and your entire life. Then I will take you back and return you to your life, memories and all. I'll leave you somewhere, they can't find you." He watched the look of horror on Touma's face.

"Why?" Touma was realizing what was going to happen to him.

"You understand now? Just enough time for them to give up, not enough time for you to be declared dead. Enough time for your lover to move on, and you'll come back after five years, still feeling everything you feel now. What will you find when you return? What pain and heartbreak will you endure? You are what? 19 now? You'll be what around 23 or 24? Enough years to ruin the life you had planned, enough years to remove you from his heart? Will you return to see the one you love.. oh."

Touma had closed his eyes, he thought, he thought he was dying for them. He didn't regret his choice, but he feared this. He feared the unknown coming to him. He feared what he knew would happen. He'd come back, remember and feel everything. He'd look into the eyes of his friends, and know how much he lost and wasn't there for. "Just..get this over with."

"Did you ever tell him you dreamed of his hand in yours? Even though you knew, you couldn't have that." Kaoru watched tears form and fall, watched the trooper open his eyes and glare at him. "Too bad you won't remember this conversation. I'll see you in five years Touma." He pulled his hands away from Touma's head and snapped his fingers.

Touma's world went black as he collapsed to the floor.

He didn't know, that image, of Touma falling to the floor where he lay motionless but breathing, would be given to his friends. Encased in a small crystal ball. For them to watch and dwell over the final fate of their friend.

But Kaoru kept his word, his army went to Kayura, the Troopers awoke in a forest outside Nasuti's home. Minus one. And he? Kaoru vanished with Touma.

~

Ryo held that crystal ball in his hands, unable to stop the tears. Shin was slumped up against a tree his head in his hands, hiccupping through his own heavy sobs. Seiji had dropped his sword to stop himself from lashing out in sheer anger, instead he stood there, eyes closed unable to speak. But also unable to stop his own tears.

Shu, however had stormed off after actually punching a tree so hard it splintered and broke. "Damn you, Touma." He tried to wipe his tears away, only to find more. He broke down in tears, disengaging his armor completely, pulling out the twin to a ring Touma had. "I miss you." He sobbed clutching it in his hands, mourning his loss. He understood one thing, his heart was broken. 

Again and again, Ryo watched. He watched Touma's eyes close and his body fall. He watched him breathe. Touma was alive, somehow he was still alive. He was taken from them, but he was alive.


	3. To Survive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five years is a long time for one person to be missing. Without his memory, without his name, how would Touma survive? How would his friends and their friendship survive?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gave me so much trouble. But it's done, in it's mess it's done. Now I can finally start the chapter that has been lurking in my head for so long.

"Hey, wake up."

Touma's eyes slid open, his head swimming with confusion. He could smell saltwater and feel sand under his hands. He felt himself getting pulled up to sit up. It was dark and he could see moonlight reflecting off water, a beach. He's on a beach somewhere.

Where? Who? What? He tried to focus on anything, his name, just remember something. But there was nothing. Panic and fear. "Where am I?"

"Uhh, I'm sorry dude I don't understand you, do you speak english?" The young man with blonde hair and a tan who had found him. 

Language, english. He knew that, he recognized that. -Think harder- he told himself. "Where. Am. I?" His voice was heavy with exhaustion and confusion. He hoped he could be understood.

"Oahu, Hawaii" A different voice, calmer, warmer sounding. "You speak Japanese?" The man spoke softly to him. In a language Touma understood far better.

He knew somehow he could speak and understood both, but Japanese seemed easier for him. "Yes." He looked over at the man who sounded warmer and calmer. Tanned skin, eyes a beautiful shade of bright blue. Black hair, a bit messy that touched his shoulders. Strong body, he seemed familiar somehow.

"What's your name? I'm Hiro, and that is Justin."

"Name?" Touma sat there, his head hurt, "I don't know." He touched his pockets on his jeans looking for something, anything. Wallet? Paper? Nothing. "I don't know." He closed his eyes and tried to calm down. "I don't remember."

Hiro reached out and pulled the lost young man he and his friend found passed out on the beach into his arms, "It will be ok."

~

Touma awoke the next day on a sofa in a beach house, he took in his surroundings. Surfboards, books, a TV. He could hear arguing coming from another room. 

Voices arguing about what to do about -him-. The one from before, the kind one. Hiro, "Then He'll be MY responsibility! But I'm not just kicking out some guy who has no memory of his name or how he even got here! I spent most of last night just trying to get him to fall asleep."

That he remembered, Hiro had stayed with him until he fell asleep. Speaking calmly to him in Japanese. Though Hiro's Japanese seemed -off-. He wondered how he knew that, or could tell. He began to sort out a few facts in his head. He remembered waking up on a beach. But before that.

Nothing. He couldn't pin anything down. He felt like something was missing. Obviously, his memory. He ended up getting taken home by Hiro and Justin, he took a shower to get the sand off him. His clothes?

He looked down at what he was wearing, Hiro lent him clothes. Cotton Boxers and a t-shirt. His own clothes where getting washed, his shoes? He looked over and saw the sneakers nearby one of the surfboards. He saw himself in the mirror in the bathroom. Asian.

Language that came easiest to him was Japanese, so he was Japanese. His hair was short and he looked well kept, so he wasn't homeless, he came from somewhere. He understood english and could speak it, so he was educated. But who was he? How did he end up there? Was he on vacation? But he also remembered seeing fading scars on his body and bruises.

So he had gotten them somehow. But how? He looked up at Hiro when the man entered the room and stood before him. "I'm sorry to be trouble for you."

Hiro sighed and sat down beside him, "Do you remember anything?"

"No."

"Then. You'll stay here. Just don't rob us or kill us in our sleep?" Hiro joked, trying to lighten the mood. He introduced Touma to his housemates.

The tanned blonde with long hair from before was Justin. Tall, strong, bald black man was Theo. The other Asian, Japanese man with long black hair that was tied back into a low ponytail was named Kaoru. And he was Hiro, half American-japanese, half native hawaiian.

Of course, Kaoru wasn't going to just leave Touma un supervised. He had to make sure no one found him for five years, and that he stayed alive.

~

It took two days for Touma to pick a name to call himself, 'hey you' was annoying. Rowen. He choose Rowen. It sounded nice to him. 

Six months had passed and his memory hadn't returned, Hiro pretty much took care of him. Paid for new clothes, even covered a doctor's visit to see if he was healthy. It was out of their price range to get too much done health wise. But everyone had slowly come to accept that he would just be there for awhile.

Touma, who went by Rowen now. Did what he could to repay Hiro's kindness. He cleaned the house, did the laundry, helped with cooking. Apparently the Hiro, Justin, and Theo owned a surf shop, and Justin was professional when it came to surfing. Kaoru however, just did freelance work, he had been vague on what he did at first. Tour guide, he took groups of people on hiking trips and was paid as a tour guide. That would explain why he was gone all day, at least that's what they all believed.

One year had passed.

Rowen was sitting on the beach watching the sunset over the water, lost in thought. Hiro walked over him and sat down beside him. "How does a surfer forget sunscreen?"

Hiro laughed, "You aren't going to let me live down this sunburn are you?" He touched the burn on the tops of his feet. "I forget my feet."

"I still don't remember my real name. Just this feeling, that I left something behind. Something very important to me. Or someone. I don't know what to think, it's been a year and no improvement on my memory."

"Your English is better."

"I could always speak it, just I have it down better now. I don't get confused over words as much anymore." He groaned, "There are no photos of anyone looking like me on the island, or the other Hawaiian islands. No missing person reports. My ID is gone, I have no passport. I speak Japanese as a native language, but I also speak english. So am I from Japan, or America? Without a passport how could I have even gotten here? I don't know what to think about this anymore. I feel alone."

"Rowen, you're not alone. The guys, and me we're here for you. You're welcome to live and stay with us as long as it takes for you to remember. Besides the house has never been so clean before." Hiro watched him, he liked him. He found him attractive.

"Why are you so kind to me?"

Hiro smiled and looked out at the water, "How could I just leave a handsome guy on the beach alone? With no memory and no where to go, what was I supposed to do? Who knows, maybe you used to be a mermaid and you got legs but an evil sea witch stole your memory?" He teased, "Or a fallen angel, who became human."

"I can't see myself being a fish." Rowen smiled as he looked up at the sky, watching as the stars began to appear. "Do you really think I'm handsome?"

"I'm sorry." Hiro dug his feet into the sand, letting the cool sand calm the burn on the tops of his feet. "Yes, I think your attractive, even have a bit of a crush on you. Whoever you are."

Rowen leaned over and rested his head on Hiro's shoulder. "Whoever I am." He closed his eyes for a moment, "You are quite handsome yourself, Hiro." He kept something to himself, how Hiro reminded him of something he couldn't quite put his finger on. But the emotion was there, an unreachable affection. If he had to describe it, it was closer to having a crush on someone you never thought you could have or where good enough for. 

Hiro smiled and kissed him, pulling the lost young man into his arms. Feeling his body tense up and relax as they held onto each other. This was a risk, Hiro knew that. Rowen knew that. He could get his memory back and everything could change. But this emotional contact Rowen was starving for, something to hold onto to stabilize him. 

~

It had been one year since Touma vanished. One year since they lost him. They had begged for help from Kayura, who in the end could find no trace of the missing Trooper or Kaoru. They both had simply vanished.

They tried using the armors to find him, but nothing. His parents where utterly heartbroken over their son. Touma had given up on trying to hide what he was to them. They knew about his armor, and what he had endured. But this was heartbreaking, They both had methods of coping, Touma's mother tried finding her son, missing person reports in Japan. His father threw himself into his work, his only method of mentally handling the fear of losing his son.

His friends searched, going to locations where his armor might have taken him, but they quickly began to wonder if perhaps Touma had been separated from his armor.

They began to wonder if he was even alive.

One year became two years. Two years became three. 

They began to fight, Shu was emotionally worn down from this, his heart had been broken by Touma's actions. He wanted to stop hurting, he wanted to move on with his life. "IT'S BEEN THREE YEARS RYO! IF HE WAS ALIVE..."

"He's NOT DEAD. He can't be dead. You want to just give up on him?" Ryo and Shu had been at odds.

Shu was frustrated, "I can't just put my life on hold anymore for him. He'll be pronounced dead if he's gone for seven years, I can't just sit here and wait seven years for him to be legally pronounced dead. If Touma was alive, we would have found him. He would have come back to us. He. Left. Us."

Shin was stressed, "I refuse to believe he's dead. We'd know if he was dead. Our connection with each other was strong enough for us to know when Suzugani took him. We'd know if he was dead. Touma can't be dead." He wiped tears away from his eyes.

"He would wait for you." Ryo glared at Shu.

"Yea. He would. But I would have died trying to kill Kaoru, not do what Touma did." Shu snarled at Ryo.

"He did this to save us...," Ryo stood up and found himself face to face with Shu.

Shu had stood up and was facing Ryo, "He could have asked us. I lost..a boyfriend, Ryo. He didn't even have the decency to tell us why."

"But he told me why." Ryo argued.

"THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH!"

"STOP IT!" Seiji had enough. "Shu, do what you need to do. If Touma comes back. He'll understand. He's not stupid. He saved us, whatever his reasoning was shouldn't matter anymore. Ryo, As much as it pains me to say this. Shu is right. We can't keep searching for him. We have no idea where too even look. But I don't believe he's dead. not yet anyway."

"I'm not giving up on him." Ryo clenched his fist.

"I'm not asking you to give up on him, Ryo. Just don't be mad at Shu for wanting closure from Touma. I'm not giving up on Touma coming back. But I have no idea where to even look for him." Seiji stayed between the two men until they both backed away from each other. 

~

Shu was a bar, he wasn't sure when he decided drinking alone was a good idea. Maybe it was when he realized the only guy he was ever sexually attracted to pretty much sacrificed himself. That the man in question was one of his closest friends aside from being a lover at one point.

He wasn't sure if he still loved him anymore. It had been three years, if it wasn't for the stupid home videos that Jun had recorded of the guys when they met up during school breaks, he wouldn't even remember his voice.

They had already been frustrated due to helping Touma's parents pack up Touma's bedroom and move it to Nasuti's manor in Shinjuku.

Touma's father was moving to a smaller apartment in Kyoto, the larger high rise apartment was too big for just him, and for him, Three years was hard to not know where his son was. Not with what he knew about what his son had lived through, somehow this felt more final for him. Perhaps he blamed himself a bit for leaving his son alone for so long, being a neglectful father by favoring his work over time with his son. Now his son was gone.

"You come here a lot." Shu looked up at the girl behind the bar, one of the bartenders. He had noticed her before. He had noticed her studying on slow nights a college student like himself. This must be a part time job for her.

"You come here a lot, too." He was aware how dumb that sounded right after he said it.

"Because I work here." She laughed, "I know you're not drunk. You never pick anyone up, you just sit and drink until your face turns just a bit red, and you go home. You never pull out car keys so I assume you live nearby or you take a train home."

Shu smiled, it felt nice to smile. "My name is Rei Fuan Shu... but my friends just call me Shu."

"Nakamura Ichigo." She had short-ish hair, a deep blue-black with a punky haircut and a side part. Bright neon magenta as an under layer under the longer locks around her face.

"Ichigo. Strawberry?" Shu smirked at her.

She groaned, "Oh stop. I don't know why I was named something so.. so."

"Cute?"

"Yes, that." She was blushing, and Shu was falling for her. 

~

Four years and 11 months missing.

Rowen groaned as sun filled the room. "No."

"Yes." Hiro nibbled on his lover's shoulder. "You need to wake up, I won't be home till late tonight. Are you sure you don't want to come?"

"No desire to attend a party. Besides want to finish..." He looked over at the unfinished painting, he had discovered a talent. He was pretty good at painting, and had been 'working' as he couldn't legally work, at the Art Gallery Theo had opened up. Re purposed surfboards, having been repainted by local artists. Rowen's where all listed as - anonymous -.

"Party at Theo's art gallery and you don't want to attend, you don't want to meet the people buying your work."

"You remember I can't legally work, and would rather not end up in a mental hospital trying to explain almost five years of memory loss that I haven't recovered?"

Hiro groaned and pinned him down to the bed, "Ok, you win." He stole a kiss, "Love you."

Rowen returned the kiss, "What do I win?"

"This." Hiro shifted them both and laid claim to the other. 

~

Kaoru watched Rowen paint for a hour, "We need to have a little talk. Not here."

Rowen set down his paintbrush and looked at him, he and Kaoru had never gotten close, the man made him feel uneasy. "About?"

"I know who you are."

~

"Just open the box." Kaoru handed him a small wooden box. He watched as the other carefully opened the lid, inside was a wallet, a ring, and a glass orb. He picked up the orb first, drawn to it. Kaoru reached out with one hand and snapped his fingers beside his head.

His fingers clenched around the orb as he fell to his knees, his head swimming and hurting as things began to come into focus. He wasn't sure how long it took for his head to calm down, for the fog in his brain to clear. "You bastard."

"Welcome back Touma." Kaoru stood there still looking rather human and plain as before. "The headache you're feeling will fade in a few minutes. You didn't believe I'd just allow my precious amusement to just wander around aimlessly with no memory did you?"

Touma glared at him, standing back up. He had a mix of emotions coursing through him, anger over the past years of his life, heartbreak of remembering Shu, realization of what this meant for him and Hiro. "What now? Just send me home?"

"No, That's tomorrow night. Now you go home, pack one bag. Say your goodbye to Hiro, that was a surprise though, you and him. Oh, Touma? If you tell Hiro anything about who or what I am. Not only will I send you back to Japan, but I'll kill Hiro."

"My friends?"

"Your fellow troopers are all alive, I kept my promise." Kaoru watched Touma pick up the ring and wallet, slip the ring into the wallet and shove the wallet into his back pocket, his armor orb in a front pocket.

Touma walked away, he didn't know how to feel about all of this, he just knew he was going to have to trust Kaoru right now, at least till he got back to Japan. He heard his -name- being called as he came up the path off the beach. "Hiro?"

"Rowen! I couldn't find you.. I got worried." Hiro wrapped his arms around Touma, "What's wrong?"

"My name is Hashiba Touma, or Touma Hashiba. I was born in Osaka, my parents are divorced. I have a lot to try to explain to you." He buried his face into Hiro's shoulder as he slipped his arms around him in return.

~

"That's...unbelievable. But I remember the news reports about New York. So that was you and your friends. I'm sorry this is.. it's a lot to take in. But you're leaving...will I see you again?" Hiro sat on what had been their bed for the past few years.

Touma sat beside him, He had done his best to try to explain everything without putting him in danger. "I'd hope so. I just, I need to go back. Get my life back, I'll be declared dead in two years if I don't." He took Hiro's hand in his and kissed it. "I need to do this. I don't know what I'm going back to. But I'll call, write. As soon as I get settled in with somewhere to stay I'll get ahold of you."

"Rowen.. Touma." Hiro's voice caught in his throat. "I guess this is a goodbye." He looked over at him, "You even carry yourself differently now then you did before. It's like the man I love is gone."

"He's not gone, just...This is who I am." Touma flopped back on the bed. "Hiro please."

"Just tell me if you ever even cared about me."

"Of course I care about you. I wouldn't have been in your bed every night for as long as I have been if I didn't. I just can't say it, because I don't know how I feel about you, or anyone else right now in regards to love. That word carries more weight for me. I can't use it casually."

Hiro leaned over him and kissed him, "Just promise me, you'll keep in touch. You'll tell me somehow when you get your head settled about all of this." He ran his fingers through Touma's hair, "If you want, we could run away to Canada and get married?"

Touma laughed at that idea, "You'd actually marry me?"

"In a heartbeat." Hiro pulled a ring out of his pocket, "I.. may have had plans to ask you something."

Touma sat up and looked at him and at the ring and back at him. Those eyes, they tugged at his heart for reasons that went beyond Hiro. "Hiro..."

Hiro slipped the ring into Touma's palm and closed his fingers around it, "I know you can't give me an answer. I'm ok with that. Just do this, go home and get your life back. Figure out whatever you need to figure out. Touma, I always wondered why you looked at me as if I always reminded you of someone else. You left someone behind didn't you?"

Touma opened his hand and looked at the ring, it was pretty. Gold and simple. a single sapphire embedded into the band. Far nicer then the 100 days couple rings he had with Shu. "I did. I left behind a boyfriend, but it wasn't going to end well for us. He's set up to become the head of his family, and would be expected to get married and have kids. He never told them he was with me. He was, I overheard him talking to one of our friends about how he was going to give up his role for me. That's stupid and foolish, I would never want him to do something like that. I still feel for him. I just know it's been years, I can't expect that he'd wait for me. That any of them would." He shook his head, "I'm scared about what I'm going to find when I go back. I need to know but I'm worried about their reactions."

"Do I resemble your..well ex-boyfriend?" Hiro was curious, "Look if they are your friends they'll accept you back."

"No. You remind me of Ryo." Touma said as he played with the ring in his hand.

"Who's Ryo?

"A very good friend. He's been though a lot and gone through so much for us. For me, he saved me once..." The way he spoke about that, like it meant something dear to him.

Hiro smiled, "You love him?"

"He's not attainable. " Touma spoke carefully, he chose his words. "If any of us where to be with him. It wouldn't be me." He looked around the room, "I need to pack a bag..."

"I'll help you." Hiro stole a kiss and helped him.

~

The day that followed was hard for them both, they spent the morning in bed together, shower, food, and then just went for a walk, it wasn't easy to talk about anything. They just enjoyed each other's company until nightfall. Touma kissed his once-lover goodbye, at least until he got settled in back in Japan.

"You're on time, I'm shocked." Kaoru stood by the palm tree waiting for the trooper to show up. "Said your goodbyes?"

Touma glared at him, "Don't touch him." He hefted the bag up onto his shoulder. "So how do we do this?"

"Goodnight Touma." Kaoru snapped his fingers.

Touma was getting tired of this, "Damn it." He collapsed and was caught in Kaoru's arms.

~

Touma groaned when he awoke, he looked around reading the signs. Osaka - home. But he quickly discovered that so much had changed.

His father no longer lived in the apartment, he didn't know who to call at first. But he relented and dialed a number at a payphone. 

"Hello?" The woman on the other end spoke.

"Mom?"

"..Touma-kun?"

"Mother. I need help."

~

Touma was greeted by BOTH his parents as he sat outside what once was the high rise he used to live in. He did his best to explain what had happened to him. He would do everything he needed to do to get his life back. But for now he just wanted to know where his belongings where and where he would be sleeping.

"Well he's not staying with you! Your apartment is so small!" His mother folded her arms.

Touma was frustrated, "My stuff? My bank account?"

"Your belongings where moved to your friend Nasuti's manor in Shinjuku, but she hasn't lived there for six months now." His father was looking through a bag he had brought along. "I transferred your living address to the Manor."

Touma learned that Nasuti had moved in with her fiance. Seiji. "Seiji and Nasuti?" He looked down at his feet. "So I need to see Seiji and Nasuti, tomorrow then."

His mother paid for the hotel room, and both parents agreed to keep it a secret that he was back. His father gave him the mail of his that had been backed up for the past years. He had been regularly putting money into Touma's bank account so it would stay active.

That night Touma spent in a hotel room, sorting through his backed up mail, keeping the important pieces, but throwing most of it out. Junk mail most of it. Reading through a few pieces before shoving it back into the bag his father had given him. 

He managed to find sleep, and in the morning began the trip to Seiji's home. It took hours to get there, half a day. He didn't arrive until late at night. Though he wasn't surprised to see light coming from the dojo.

Seiji.

He smiled, Seiji was going to be the one he went to first anyway. He slipped into the dojo and found him, mediating. He wondered for a moment on how to approach him, but decided to just wait. Seiji wasn't one you could just sneak up on. He set his bag down on the mat, hearing the sound it made. That would be enough.

Seiji's eyes slipped open and he turned his head to the sound. His eyes went wide at the sight before him, "Touma?"

Touma smiled at him, "Hello Seiji."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if this chapter sucks. The next chapter is the one I kept writing when I should have been writing this one.


	4. To Live

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five years missing. The Samurai Troopers reunite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't slept all night, just had to finish.

Seiji tackled him. The normally calm and collected member of the Samurai Troopers was overcome by emotion, upon the sight of his 'long lost' best friend. He held onto Touma, his face buried into his friend's neck as he embraced him, now that both where on the floor.

Touma yelped when he was tackled onto the floor. "Hey, it's ok. I'm sorry. Seiji. I'm so sorry." Touma closed his eyes as he wrapped his arms around him and held him tight. "I'm sorry. I'm home." He couldn't stop the tears.

Nor could Seiji, he didn't know what to say. But he pulled back and ran his fingers through Touma's hair, before resting his forehead against Touma's, laying there on top of him. "It's really you. Isn't it?" He stood up, pulling Touma to his feet before taking his friend's face in his hands and just staring at him. "I...I almost believed I'd never see you again. You've missed so much. I don't know where to begin." He let go of him and wiped the tears from his eyes.

"Seiji are you still up?" Nasuti entered the dojo clad in her pjs. She gasped when she saw Touma and ran to him, "TOUMA!"

Touma caught her and hugged her tight, she cried and sobbed, holding onto him. "It's ok. I'm ok. I'm home. I'm sorry."

"No..you shouldn't be sorry." Nasuti pulled away, wiping tears away from her eyes, she was smiling so brightly. "You did what you thought was right."

Touma smiled softly at her, "I wonder about that now." He looked over at Seiji, "I know a lot has happened. Such as..." He looked between Seiji and Nasuti, "Congratulations on the engagement." He grinned.

Nasuti blushed, Seiji laughed and shook his head, "How did you find out?"

"My parents. I called them when I got back. Look it's late and I can go find a hotel or..." He sighed and looked down.

"Come on, we can talk in the morning, take a bath and get some sleep." Seiji pointed back at the main house, "You know where my room is. My eldest sister has moved out after her marriage. Nasuti is sharing a room with my youngest sister."

"You're not sharing a room?" Touma smirked.

Nasuti folded her arms, "We're following his family's traditional rules. I want to fit into my bridal kimono. So I don't want to be pregnant. I'm not like Shu's wife, and have to hold off on a wedding until after a baby is born."

"Shu's wife?" Touma's voice cracked.

Seiji's eyes went wide, "NASUTI!"

Nasuti gasped, seeing the look on Touma's face, his eyes wide for a moment, then the look of sad realization. "Touma, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She stopped herself from trying to comfort him, and backed away, heading back to bed.

Touma was shocked. He knew there was a huge possibility that Shu had moved on. But not like this. "He's married? He's a father?" He wondered why this hurt so much. Why his heart hurt and his stomach felt sick. He chuckled and shook his head. "No. It's ok." He lied and Seiji knew.

Seiji grabbed him, after picking up his bag, pulled him to the bathroom. "Bath."

~

Touma wiggled his toes in the water before glancing over at Seiji, who had noticed a split end in one of his blonde hairs, he left it alone after mentally reminding himself to trim his own hair. "To catch you up. Yes, Shu's married. Legally anyway. They haven't had the Japanese or Chinese wedding ceremonies yet. Their marriage was...rushed. Shu got her pregnant, and from what I know they had a very serious conversation about it and each other. He does love her, and he's a good father to his daughter. He owns his family's main restaurant now. He'll be taking over his family clan when he turns 30. You would like his wife. I'm surprised they are together. She's a mechanical engineer, she is brilliant, and she thinks the world of him. He's happy, and he hasn't been happy in a long time."

Touma closed his eyes, "That's good to know and to hear." He sighed and shifted in the water. "Shin? Ryo?"

"Shin's engaged to a girl in his hometown, She's in nursing school. Ryo is doing ok, I guess. Ryo and Shu aren't on speaking terms. Ryo opposed Shu's marriage to Ichigo."

"Shu married a girl named after a fruit?" Touma opened his eyes and looked at his best friend. "What happened between Ryo and Shu so bad to make them stop talking to each other?"

Seiji laughed, "Yes. He did." He ran his fingers though his hair, pulling it all away from his eyes. "Ryo and Shu had been arguing about you for awhile. Ryo wanted us to keep looking, Shu wanted to stop." That was a simplified version, "Ryo never stopped looking for you. He's somehow managed to balance school and looking for you. He got a bigger apartment recently, two bedrooms. He wants to move your stuff out of the Manor and into his place. He hasn't moved it yet."

"So it's -my fault-." Touma groaned. "Ryo wants me to live with him?"

"No, it's their fault for being stubborn and combative. As for Ryo, I don't know what he's thinking." Seiji stood up and grabbed a towel, "Ok, time to sleep. You need to fill me in on what happened to you in the morning. And then we need to pack and head back to the manor, work on getting your life back. and meeting the others."

~

"You where in.. Hawaii." Seiji rubbed his temples, feeling frustrated and stupid.

"More then that, Kaoru stole my memory, my name. I didn't know who I was or anything, just left me with the feelings and emotions I had attached to everyone. He also looked rather normal and stayed nearby. I have little doubt he made sure no one found me." Touma picked at his breakfast before finishing it off, explaining to Seiji what had happened to him in more detail. Not excluding the Ryo-esque man named Hiro who all but directly proposed marriage to him before he left.

Seiji stared at Touma, "So you and him?"

"Not currently together, I never told him -I love you-. Just that feels rather strong. I liked Hiro, still do. But anything with him feels as stable as it did with Shu."

"Your love life is one I am glad I don't have." Seiji said. "So I need to call the guys and make sure they're all showing up on the anniversary of you vanishing, it's how we've been able to get Ryo and Shu in the same room."

"Just tell them...you have my armor orb." Touma stretched his arms above his head. "Don't tell them how you got it, just that you have it."

~

So it was set and planned, In the following weeks Touma moved into the manor, going through his old stuff and re washing his old clothes - throwing most out.

Ending up in a shopping trip with Nasuti and Seiji to get new stuff, and get his life back in legal working order. Which took some creativity on his behalf. Well, mostly his father and mother stepping in and finding an excuse to explain Touma's disappearance to the authorities, and get him removed off the -missing persons- list.

Seiji had called each one of the guys, making sure they where showing up, they had a place in Tokyo they would meet up. The same place they met up after Touma was grabbed by Suzunagi.

Shin was an easy yes, he only needed to verify the time. Ryo also agreed to show up without question. Shu however, "I don't know if I'll be able to make it."

"Shu," Seiji began, "I have Touma's armor orb. You need to be there. It will take all of our armor orbs to make sure this one really is Touma's."

Shu went silent on the other line, "How. Where! How did you get it? Seiji?" The confusion, and panic in his voice. "I'll be there..." He relented as he realized that Seiji of course would not tell him over the phone.

~

Five years missing. To the day.

Seiji waited till he had seen everyone else go inside, Touma slipped in behind him, but sat down on the stairs out of sight. Just in case things went bad Touma would be able to get out easy and quickly.

Seiji saw them, his friends in silence, Ryo and Shu not speaking to each other. Shin looking nervous and exhausted. "Where is it?" Shu spoke up.

"Huh?" Shin looked up at his best friend, the two had remained close. Ryo looked over at Shu then over at Seiji.

Seiji paused for a moment, just a moment. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out two orbs, one green. his.

One dark blue. 

He set them both down on the table in the room. The others followed suit, and once all five where together, they glowed softly. Reunited.

Shin almost broke down in a hard sob, holding it back as he stared at the five armor orbs.

Shu looked speechless as he stared at it, the dark blue one. Glowing softly as if nothing was wrong.

Ryo, however was shaking, he closed his eyes for a moment before focusing his eyes back on the dark blue orb. "Seiji...is he dead?"

Seiji picked up the dark blue orb and turned around tossing it to the man who had finally, fully entered the room, but stayed back, near the stairs.

"Do I look dead?" Touma caught his armor orb with ease, as his friends looked up and stared at him.

~

"TOUMA!" Shin was in tears, he moved the fastest and had embraced Touma before Shu or Ryo had fully registered what they where seeing as real. "Touma, Touma..." Shin was sobbing.

Touma held onto him, "Shin, it's ok. I'm sorry." He closed his eyes and held onto him, letting Shin calm down, before releasing his hold on his friend.

"You're alive." Shin smiled, and wiped his tears away.

"I am." Touma looked up just in time to move Shin aside as Shu grabbed Touma and slammed him hard up against the wall behind him. his other hand, balling into a fist and coming into contact with the wall beside Touma's head. "Ok. I might deserve this." He didn't resist, he didn't fight back.

"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU FUCKING BEEN?" Shu was furious, heartbroken and furious. He was also crying. Yes, he was glad that Touma was alive, but he felt so hurt, seeing him. "You.. you fucking left us. You drugged us, and left us."

Ryo had started to move forward to pull Shu off Touma, when he stopped and saw Shin do it instead. Shin put himself between them, pulling Shu away from Touma, who slumped back against the wall once Shu's grasp was released. "Kaoru, he stole things from me. I thought." Touma thought on it before he spoke, "I thought he would just kill me and be done with it. I believed what I did was the right choice, I thought I was going to my death. Seiji, Shin, Shu, all of you will be taking over as the heads of your family clans. I'm not doing that, my family does not really take much notice of that kind of thing. Ryo, you've endured so much for us, given up and been put through so much pain to save us. I just thought, it was time for you to be spared, to be saved instead. That I could repay you for saving me, when we where all separated." Touma straightened up his stance. "I thought, I was the only one who could afford to not come back."

Shin was heartbroken, "Touma, how could you, think that?"

"I've been alone most of my life. I didn't have friends until you guys. All of you, became my family. I didn't want to see all of us die, when it could have been just one of us. It just made sense that it should be me." Touma looked at his armor orb in his hand, "I was wrong. Kaoru has no intention to kill me. That wouldn't be -amusing-. Instead he stole my memory, my name, and just left me with the emotional attachments I had to everyone. So I'd feel, but without the memories attached to the feelings. "

Seiji walked over and put his hand on Touma's shoulder, "Kaoru put Touma on one of the Hawaiian Islands, and he stayed with him, so as much as either of us can figure out. Kaoru must have stayed with Touma to ensure that we wouldn't find him, for five years."

Shu looked away, "Why five years?" He looked back at Touma, the hurt replaced with sadness.

"Five years was along enough to ruin my life plans with college, and long enough to change everyone's lives. Not long enough for me to be declared dead, but long enough for...things to change and people to move on." Touma made eye contact with Shu, "Not that I blame them for moving on, it's been five years." Touma lowered his head, "I take responsibility for all the pain and hurt I've caused with my actions. I don't expect anyone to forgive me. I'm sorry."

Shu hugged him, much to everyone's surprise. "We where falling apart without you." Shu closed his eyes as he squeezed tight, "Damn it Touma."

Touma squeaked, "Shu! TIGHT!"

Shu let go of him, "Touma, things...have changed." He sighed and took Touma's hand in his. "I.." He thought on how to explain things to him.

"I'm not surprised your wife's name is food." Touma smiled. "Hopefully, your daughter takes after her mother in intelligence and looks."

"Huh?" Shu stared at him, then realized that Seiji must have told him. "My daughter is very cute." He smiled at his ex-boyfriend. "I'm glad your home. When you're ready.. I'd like you to meet my family."

"Only if you and Ryo go back to talking to each other." Touma folded his arms, he had noticed that Ryo hadn't said anything yet. "Ryo..." He carefully approached him, "I'm sorry I hit you."

Ryo looked dazed for a moment, he was taking all of this in. This was real. It wasn't a dream. He had dreamt of this so many times. Touma coming back. But he always awoke and Touma was never there. So he forced a smile, "It's ok. I forgive you."

"Ryo," Touma frowned, he could tell when Ryo was hiding something, he looked over at Seiji.

Seiji grabbed Shin and Shu and tugged them up the stairs out of the room, "We'll meet you two outside, then head back to the manor ok?"

~

"You have every right to be mad at me." Touma spoke after the others had left, "I drugged you, I hit you. I left. I'll understand if you can't trust me anymore. I didn't want to watch you die for us, for me."

Ryo wrapped his arms around Touma's shoulders and held onto him, he nuzzled his face into Touma's neck and began to cry.

"Ryo..." Touma's arms wrapped around the other's waist and he held onto him, pulling him close into an embrace. "I'm sorry Ryo." Touma was in tears as he held onto his friend and let him cry.

Ryo pulled back a bit, his hands fisting into Touma's shirt, "You aren't the only one who's been alone."

Touma smiled, just a bit. "I know. But that's over now. Seiji told me you wanted to move my stuff out of the manor and into your new apartment?"

Ryo wiped his face with his hands, "Yea. I wanted you to have a home to come back to. Where you wouldn't be by yourself anymore." He looked at Touma and touched his face, "I never gave up on you."

"Thank you." Touma leaned forward and hugged him. "I would like that, if you still want me as your room mate."

Ryo nuzzled him and slipped his arms around Touma's waist, he was still keeping something hidden. "Of course, I need to make sure you don't run off again." He sighed and held onto him, he was quiet.

"Ryo?" Touma looped an arm around his friend's shoulders. "You ok?"

"Yes" Ryo let go of him, "Come on we should head back to the manor, see if anyone will lend us their car to move you into my place, tomorrow."

Touma watched him for a moment, before following him. He knew how to read body language, he knew Ryo was being quiet about something, but he didn't dare pry.

~

Celebration and enjoyment, they where all back together and everything seemed like it would somehow work out.

Touma explained how he'd look into work, or figuring something out to do with his life. Casually mentioning that apparently he had an artistic skill in him that he cultivated while he was -Rowen- in Hawaii. 

Until a phone call, Touma had been in touch with Hiro since he got to Japan, so Hiro and the others knew how to get a hold of him. Expensive phone calls, but Touma had promised to keep in touch. International phone call cards came in handy.

Seiji answered the phone, his English wasn't as good as the others. It had improved, but wasn't great. Not good enough to understand -surfer boy talk-.

"Touma? Is Touma there?" The voice asked.

"Touma? Yes!" Seiji called Touma over.

"Hello?"

"Touma?" Justin.

"Justin? Hey! What's going on?" Then he realized something, background noise, he could hear sirens? "Justin, what's going on?"

Justin was sniffling, his voice sounded exhausted, scared. Touma could hear Theo talking to someone in the background, he couldn't make out what was going on. "You haven't seen Kaoru have you?"

Touma froze, he hadn't noticed his friends going quiet and watching him, trying to listen in. "No, why?" Realization, fear. "Justin, where's Hiro?"

Ryo looked confused, "Hiro?" he whispered to Seiji.

"Tell you later." Seiji whispered.

"Touma I'm sorry." Justin sobbed.

Touma stood there, "Justin. Where Is Hiro?" Fear, dread.

"Theo and I, we found him, He fucking vanished before our eyes, man." Justin wasn't making any sense. "There was so much blood, and Hiro.. Oh god Hiro."

Touma felt sick. "What happened?" He barely whispered it out.

Theo was on the line now, comforting a sobbing Justin in his arms, as he spoke to Touma, "Hiro's been killed. We came home from an all nighter party. Kaoru was home with him, Kaoru, or well it looked like Kaoru, but his hair was white and his clothes where weird, like old Japanese style. He was on Hiro's bed and he killed him. It looked like he drove some weird ass knife into his heart. He pulled it out and just looked at us. I'll never forget that ever. He just laughed and vanished. The cops think we're fucking crazy or high. They think it was a robbery gone wrong, or one of Hiro's ex-fuckboys was high on PCP and killed him."

Touma was horribly quiet. his heart felt torn out and trampled out, his stomach was turning. He was going to throw up, scream, cry, and go through every emotion of grief in a few seconds. "Hiro's...dead?"

"I know what we saw, and Hiro told us some weird fucked up shit about you. Just, be safe. Look, in a few days or weeks. We'll mail you the stuff you left here, and you know photos Hiro kept of you and him. I know you might want to come back for the funeral. Don't. Fuck the goddamned cops are everywhere, we've already told them you where just some guy he used to fuck who was here vacationing. For your own safety just stay in Japan. I'm sorry Touma."

By then Touma had passed the phone to Nasuti, who took over talking to Theo, mostly just giving Theo Ryo's mailing address, and phone number to Ryo's apartment. He stood there as the shock began to wear off, he let out a small choking whimper sound, and found himself in Seiji's arms as he broke down.

Seiji held on to him, letting Touma break. He didn't speak or say anything, just held on to him, letting his friend sob. Hard ugly sobs, so hard and quick that he began to hyperventilate and panic causing Seiji to drag him to a sofa to sit him down.

Shin took Seiji's place, with a glass of water and forcing Touma to try to breathe slower. It took all of them to get him to calm down, he wasn't speaking and he looked dazed and just exhausted. But They did manage to get him to lay down in a bed and fall asleep.

Only then, did Seiji explain who Hiro was.

That was a shock, "Hiro was Touma's lover?" Shu sat down. "I want to be surprised but it would have been weird for him to have not found anyone. And this guy almost? Kind of proposed to him?"

"Something like that. Touma has the ring but it was never official between them. I don't know the extent of his relationship with Hiro, but from what Touma's explained they where about as serious as you where with him."  
,  
Shu wrinkled his nose, "Together but doomed to fail?"

Shin watched Shu for a moment, "That is a good way of putting it. I wonder what this Hiro guy looked like..." He leaned back against a wall, "I doubt Touma knew Hiro would be killed, but he didn't have his memory, most likely knew it would fail because once he got his memory back he knew he'd go back to his real life."

Seiji held up a photo, one he had nabbed from Touma's -room- more correctly from his bag. One of several photos. "I'm assuming this is him."

Ryo took the photo into his hands and stared at it, "Oh."

Shin and Shu both looked over Ryo's shoulders, "He kind of looks like you, Ryo." Shin spoke up.

It was there, a simple photograph. Touma looked so relaxed and happy. Calm and comfortable. Someone else must have taken the photo, because Touma was asleep, his head resting on Hiro's chest, the two where snuggled together on a sofa, and Hiro had noticed the camera.

Bright blue eyes, tanned skin, messy black hair. But his hair, the longer parts in the back where pulled back into a ponytail, while the parts around his eyes where free. In theory Ryo could style his hair like that if he ever tried. He never tanned as dark as Hiro did but sometimes he got close.

Matching leather bracelets where on Touma and Hiro's wrists. They where a couple. Where. Now that word was far more final for them.

~

They didn't know Touma was half awake, in his struggle to remove clothes so he could breathe. It made sense in his grief stricken mind. He had taken out the ring Hiro had given him. He had slipped it on his finger and was staring at it as he cried. He wasn't sobbing uncontrollably anymore, he wasn't hiccupping from the lack of air, he had a headache and felt exhausted. But he couldn't stop the tears.

He had never been with anyone as long as he had been with Hiro, if laws in both countries where different. Maybe, maybe he would have said yes after his life got settled back down. Touma had never regretted anything so badly before, would it have been so awful of him to have told Hiro three words? 

Touma knew why he never told him, once he got his memory back he understood why. 

Because Hiro reminded him of Ryo. He didn't know what to make of it, that was a lie he told himself, he fully understood why it bothered him. Did he love Hiro because Hiro was Hiro? Or did he love Hiro because he was a more attainable version of Ryo? If that was true, it wasn't fair to Hiro.

Touma wasn't Ryo's first kiss. The person who was Ryo's first kiss, was the reason why Touma decided early on to never go after Ryo. Shu wasn't far off in his wondering if Seiji had a thing for Ryo, or that Ryo had a thing for Seiji.

It was almost impossible not to have some form of attraction towards Seiji. But Shin was there the day Touma saw something. It was after Touma's first kiss with Seiji.

They had all gone to Seiji's family home. Shu found it boring, until he got to spar with Seiji in Seiji's family dojo, and then discovered food. Touma and Shin took to exploring the surrounding area late at night and didn't return until late.

~

Shin had wondered about Touma's sexuality, and had breached the subject on their walk. Touma had been honest about it and Shin respected that and had no problems with it. "So is there anyone you're interested in?"

Touma shrugged his shoulders, "I kissed Seiji, but really that was more." He thought on it, "Seiji's attractive but he's my best friend. So it just felt safe with him." He thought on it, "I don't, aside from you guys. Know anyone that close."

"So it's one of us?" Shin grinned as he poked Touma in the side as they walked.

"It's not you, sorry." Touma shook his head. "Shu and Ryo. Shu seems warm? Passionate?" He blushed, "Sure his temper and head could use some work but we get along as friends, but I don't know where he stands on attraction to people."

"I don't think SHU knows where he stands on that." Shin shook his head, "But Ryo?"

Touma's smile was softer, "When I came to, after he saved me." He looked up at the stars, "Ever since then, and our time together working to save you guys."

"So who will you go for?" Shin turned as they got closer to the dojo. "You have that look on your face that girls get when talk about their crushes, when you talk about Ryo."

Touma shrugged his shoulders, "Whoever is more attainable? I'll wait, however long it takes. For that person, I kind of want the attraction to be mutual." He looked up as they slipped into the dojo and saw Shin staring at a crack in the sliding doors. He peeked through the crack with him.

What he saw caused him to make a few choices. Seiji and Ryo where sparring, when Seiji overtook Ryo and pinned him down, Ryo hooked his legs around Seiji and flipped them both so Seiji was on his back.

Ryo kissed Seiji and Seiji kissed him back. The kiss was brief but it was there. Ryo pulled back and stood up, helping Seiji up. There was so much admiration in Seiji's eyes when he looked at Ryo. Ryo just smiled at Seiji and laughed.

Touma would never go after Ryo. Ryo became unattainable as a lover. He wouldn't try to compete with Seiji. He adored and loved Seiji too much. Even if Seiji never went after Ryo romantically, whatever they had Touma wouldn't come between them. 

Touma gave his body to Ryo, but not his heart. Ryo already had that, not that Touma would ever attempt to make that something more solid. Even when it became obvious Seiji had intentions on going after Nasuti, Touma never attempted to go after Ryo.

He was with Shu at those times anyway, and he wasn't the type to betray a lover. 

~

In the picture his friends held in their hands, Touma looked to be in complete peace. They didn't know it was because it was the only way he could sleep without having nightmares. Nightmares filled with emotion but shadows and faded figures, voices he couldn't hear and faces he couldn't see to remember. Nightmares that until he started sleeping beside Hiro, caused him to wake up in cold sweats and in tears, shaking and exhausted.

-I should have stayed with him.- Touma played with the ring on his finger, -Should have at least told him I loved him. Even if it's only because he reminded me of Ryo. He's not Ryo. He's not a Ryo replacement.- He yawned and shook his head, trying to wake up but too exhausted to fight it. He couldn't sleep, but he couldn't stay awake. -I lost Shu, I could never have Ryo, and Hiro's dead.- Touma's heart hurt. -I can't go through this again and again. If Kaoru wants amusement I'll give him amusement.-

So he had a plan. He didn't know how he'd pull it off, but he'd find Kaoru and he'd kill him. Even if it cost him his own life. But Kaoru wasn't going to hurt anyone else ever again. He slipped the ring off and tucked it away, flopping onto the bed fully. Clad in just a pair of soft cotton pj bottoms he had. New ones.

~

Touma wasn't the only one who couldn't sleep well. Ryo kept waking up through the night, until he gave up and went to Touma's room. his stuff still in boxes aside from the bed. He watched his friend shift in the bed, restless and exhausted. "Touma?"

Touma wasn't fully awake, he was in that midway area where everything seemed like a dream. He seemed to look at Ryo but not see -him-. Touma reached out for him and Ryo slipped into bed with him, pulling Touma into his arms and holding onto him tightly. Like that they both found sleep. This way, Ryo knew Touma wasn't going anywhere. He was never going to lose him again.

Ryo swore to himself, he would never lose the man he was in love with go again. Somehow, he'd find a way to tell him, to show Touma just how much he meant to him. He didn't know how yet, he had known about his attraction towards Touma since he saw Seiji and Touma kiss.

So he kissed Seiji, he wasn't sure if what he felt was for Seiji or for Touma. After the kiss he realized it was for Touma, well he had an idea. He didn't fully figure it out until he had Touma in his lap.

Ryo had never wanted something so bad before, but he was still not sure on his feelings towards his friend. He then met Runa and found her charming and beautiful. Then she died, and Ryo tried to stop himself from wanting that kind of attraction for himself, he was happy for Shu and Touma when he found out they where together.

But completely heartbroken when Touma drugged them, and tried to explain his logic to Ryo before knocking him out and vanishing out of their lives for five years. Five years that Ryo used to figure out how he should have treated Touma differently, been more open to him. At least that's what Ryo believed.

~

They where both idiots in their own ways. Touma slept late, but awoke to find himself in Ryo's arms. He didn't protest this. He welcomed it, it was comforting. In his mourning of his murdered lover he let Ryo hold onto him. It seemed like a fantasy come true, but for the wrong reasons he assumed.

Except for the fact that Ryo had his face buried into Touma's shoulder and his hips where grinded up against Touma's ass. And the morning erection. Touma shifted in the bed, only to get held tighter by Ryo. "No." Ryo growled, "Not losing you again."

"Ryo, wake up." Touma reached back and grabbed a fist full of black hair, "No one is losing me, but you need to let me up, I need to eat and you need a very cold shower." He felt Ryo groan and watched him wake up, his grip on his hair loosened.

"Touma?" Ryo rubbed his eyes as he sat up, "Sorry, did you say something."

Touma's eyes where on the impressive bulge in Ryo's sleep pants, "Cold shower."

"Huh?" Ryo looked down and yelped, he grabbed a pillow and put it in his lap. Touma smiled at him and thanked him for staying the night with him.

~

Touma's stuff was repacked and moved to Ryo's apartment that day. his friends even stayed to help Touma unpack, reminiscing over the stuff they found. Nightfall came and none of them wanted to leave, Shin was crashing at Shu's then heading back to his home early the next morning. Seiji was heading back to the manor with Nasuti, and Shu had Shin as his houseguest.

And a fussy little girl named Yuri who according to a distressed Ichigo on the phone -refused to go to sleep until daddy came home and read her a bedtime story.- 

Touma retreated to his new room, his life felt so strange now. Unfamiliar, he felt out of place. He was beyond thankful that his friends accepted him back, that he had a place with them. But everything still hurt. Seeing Shu, he could mentally process and understand that he had no right to be mad at Shu for moving on, for being married even having a kid. 

It had been five years. He should have been in college, working towards his PhD, but now that seemed harder. He still planned to try, if he survived his oncoming encounter with Kaoru.

The more he thought on it, the more he hoped he wouldn't survive it. his friends would have something to bury if he did this correctly. He remembered how bad he was injured when he took the hit by Seiji's old armor when they where in New York. his own armor protected him to an extent, and that was a powerful hit. his new armor was stronger, but he knew it also could only protect him from so much. What he had planned would push those limits, he just wondered if it would be beyond what his armor could handle in keeping him alive.

his friends could just move on completely. Ryo could move on, and whatever he was hiding from Touma could be resolved. Maybe he'd see him again, -him-. Apologize to Hiro. In a sick way get him back. "Damn it." He swore and cursed as he lay on that bed, he looked around the room, almost set up the way it had been in Osaka, but smaller. He found himself missing parts of his life when he didn't know who he was.

Maybe because it felt easier, simpler. He closed his eyes and let himself think back, the sounds of the waves at night, the smell of the salt and sand, sometimes fish. The salt was in the air, kept it fresh somehow. Then in the forests of the island, the moss and trees, the perfume of the tropical flowers. The heat and moisture in the air. It took some getting used to. It wasn't like Africa, Africa had some of the same smells in the air, but none of the sharpness of the saltwater. Some parts where dry there, the air was heavy with the heat.

But not in Oahu, he remembered the first time he awoke in Hiro's arms, before they became intimate. Not long before. Moments really. He remembered watching him sleep, his skin always had a tan, he never saw him without it. But he was always out there in the sun, surfing, being social, working, teaching others how to surf, running the shop. The muscles on his body, in his arms, chest, legs, thighs. his hair, the way it drifted into those eyes of his.

They where so damned blue. Bright blue. The exact same shade of Ryo's. But they where not the same man, not in the slightest. They had basic similarities. But Hiro was half Japanese, of course he'd most likely carry psychical traits that would resemble Ryo.

But they didn't touch him the same. Ryo was raw heat and passion, of course he had been with him once, in Shin's bathroom. So that most likely wasn't a proper way to judge someone's sexual skills, compared to the various places and surfaces he had been intimate with Hiro.

With Hiro, Touma didn't have to hide the relationship. Unlike his relationship with Shu. "What am I doing?" Touma sat up and tugged his shirt off, before switching into something he could sleep in, a plain T-shirt and cotton shorts. 

He chuckled as he looked down at himself, damn he had perhaps gotten used to sleeping nude a little too easily. But there was a reason for that, and that reason was dead now. Touma felt sick thinking about it. He was gone, what was the point of remembering him, of missing him. He was gone. Touma ran to the bathroom and rather quickly emptied his stomach. "Urgh." He brushed his teeth and looked over at the doorway, Ryo.

"Are you ok?" Ryo looked so concerned.

"Not really, but that should be obvious." Touma finished brushing his teeth and washed his face, looking in the mirror, his eyes where red. He didn't even notice that he had been crying. "I'm a mess."

"You've been through much." Ryo walked in and soaked a wash cloth with cold water, twisting it until it was damp and placing it on the back of his friend's neck, hearing a contented sigh pass his lips. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really. But I know if I don't you'll bug me about it." Touma looked over at him from his spot at the sink in the bathroom.

~

They where on Ryo's bed, it was bigger then Touma's. Full size, compared to Touma's Twin. Touma laid on his back looking up at the ceiling. He was silent.

Ryo was sitting up watching him, "So..." He looked away, "You really loved him?"

Touma started laughing, "He's dead. Why does it matter if I loved him or not. He loved me, told me every chance he got. I didn't tell him, I still don't know saying it to him seemed so difficult. It wouldn't have killed me." He squeezed his eyes shut, "Got him killed, though."

"You don't know that."

"I don't?" Touma sat up and looked at him, "If I didn't show up there, if he and I hadn't. He'd be alive."

"You can't blame yourself."

"Why not? It's not like you...oh." Touma stared at Ryo, "I'm sorry, that was out of line. I forgot Runa."

Ryo gave a short sad chuckle, "It's ok. But I do know what it feels like to lose someone before you could tell them how you feel about them." He looked over at Touma, "Just, it's all you think about. What you could have said or done differently. Maybe it would have changed the outcome. But no matter what you can't change what happened."

"Who broke your heart?" Touma scooted closer, "Did I miss that much?"

"It does not matter anymore." Ryo smiled as he touched Touma's face and ran his thumb across his friend's bottom lip. He pulled his hand away and smiled, "Just don't blame yourself for what Kaoru did."

"Ryo?" Touma blinked, -no, not me, not me Ryo. anyone but me.- "Wait." He reached out and took a hold of Ryo's shoulders, "Ryo what are you hiding?" -you know better, you are smarter then this. You know why.- Touma's head fought him.

Ryo shook his head, "Touma not now. You need time." He didn't look at him.

"FUCKING LOOK AT ME RYO." Touma growled, "I've been gone for five years, I know this. I know I shouldn't be hurt over seeing Shu happy, but it does hurt. I'm torn up over Hiro, I feel beyond stupid for leaving him the way I did, and I don't get the chance to apologize to him. I'm never getting that chance to tell him anything ever again." He looked so heartbroken then, the tears started up, "You know why I never said I loved him?" He moved closer to him, keeping his hold on Ryo, "You want to know WHY I couldn't?"

Ryo looked shocked at Touma's behavior, his mental state wasn't clear headed. He sounded so emotionally hurt, heartbroken, and lonely. "Touma?"

"YOU." He let go of him and lowered his head, "You. Unattainable you. He was everything I could have and have wanted in a partner. But I never told him, I couldn't figure out why, until I got my memory back. He reminded me of you. So was I with him because of him, or was I with him because he reminded me of you? That didn't seem fair." He wished he could stop crying over this, "It took his death for me to realize it was both and that was ok. I was attracted to him because of his kindness towards me, because he reminded me of you. But I loved him. I just couldn't tell him."

Ryo stared at him, he didn't know what to say. "Touma.."

"No Ryo, Don't tell me it's ok. It's not. It will never be ok."

"Why me?"

Touma looked at Ryo, "Because I love you, I'd had a crush on you for years."

"You never?" Ryo moved closer now, unsure if he should touch him.

"Because I couldn't. I saw you and Seiji, I've seen how Seiji looks at you. I would never come between that. "

"Between WHAT? We're friends, Touma. That's it. That's all it's ever been." Ryo shoved him on his back and kissed him, "Stupid, you're stupid. How could you be so stupid." Ryo straddled Touma's lap and pulled his own shirt off. Before reaching down and helping Touma out of his. "Stupid." Ryo repeated as he finished stripping himself and then Touma. his head going down between the other's legs.

"RYO?" Touma stared at him, but he didn't stop him. He didn't even stop him when Ryo straddled his lap again, and rode, well tried to ride, Touma. Ryo ended up on his back with his legs around Touma's waist.

~

Touma woke up first and at first didn't believe what had happened. He kissed Ryo's forehead as he slipped out of bed, bathing and getting dressed first. He slipped out of the apartment to head to an agreed upon 'breakfast' with Seiji.

"You fucked Ryo?" Seiji had such a look on his face, "Rebounding off Ryo isn't a good idea." He groaned, "I don't want to deal with that again."

Touma took a deep breathe and yawned, "It's not like I planned it. I just didn't stop him." He grumbled, "Again?"

"Ryo didn't explain to you WHY he and Shu haven't been on speaking terms, until you came back. Of course he didn't." Seiji snarled, Ryo had told him that he would tell Touma. "Yes it was over you, Shu told us about Ichigo, about his intention of marrying her. Ryo protested, He brought you up. Telling Shu if he really cared about you he'd wait for you. Shu was angry, just looked so mad and hurt. He countered with that it was unfair to ask him to do that, he was starting to feel happy again. How would Ryo even understand how he felt regarding you."

Touma unfolded his arms and listened.

"Ryo told him, right in front of me and Shin. That he only fucked you because he loved you, but he didn't keep you because he thought you didn't love him the same way. And Shu in his nature asked Ryo if he was trying to say he 'let' him have you. Ryo just looked at him, he didn't even say anything. Then Shu punched Ryo giving him a black eye and they stopped talking to each other." Seiji stood up and waited for Touma to join him. 

They walked away from the crowds and people, Touma lost in thought for awhile. "That's why he called me stupid." Seiji just grinned at that.

By the time Touma returned Ryo was apologizing for the night before the moment he walked in the door. But was silenced by Touma kissing him and pulling him to bed. 

~

But it didn't change Touma's plan. Finding Kaoru proved -difficult-, not impossible, but close. Of course, Kaoru would find him first.

"How's your transition into a normal life?" Kaoru had shown up at Nasuti's Manor, it had been a month and a half since Hiro's death. Everyone was over at Nasuti's Manor, Shin wanted to introduce his fiancee to Touma, and Shu had dragged his wife and child along.

Touma had gotten a little overwhelmed by meeting new people and had retreated to the water, to the little dock. "Been looking for you."

"I know." Kaoru had been hovering above the water when he appeared, he landed in front of Touma and watched the trooper back away from him. "Before you ask, and I know it's on your mind. WHY HIRO?" He grinned, "Because I never intended to let him live, well not after he began fucking you. Oh and apparently wanted to marry you. But enough on old DEAD lovers, How's Shu? Oh wait he's married with a child now. " Kaoru thought on it, making a dramatic flair of his -thinking-, tapping his finger against his lips. "Ryo? Oh, sweet Ryo. The one who would have died last if you fools would have fought me."

Touma narrowed his eyes, trying to keep calm, but this guy hit every button he had. "Leave Ryo out of this. You've had your fun."

"No, I won't. My fun has just begun, you are so much fun. I wonder if your friends are just as fun! What should I do next? A little 'accident' for Shin's bride to be? Or something to your darling ex's wife and child. Maybe Seiji, I'd take my time with him, draw it out. I wonder what demons he keeps hidden." Kaoru laughed as he reached into his robes and pulled out a blood stained knife. "You know, he didn't talk before he died. But he thought of you. He really loved you, you know. Right up until the life vanished out of his eyes."

Touma pulled out his armor orb and switched into his under gear rather quickly, calling his armor was next. He saw the look of amusement of Kaoru's face, "Do me a favor, and shut up." Touma moved quickly, he knew the risk in doing this. He grabbed him, and hoped he remembered everything, mostly his new armor's flight ability.

He didn't intend on getting caught, Seiji pulled his armor orb out and narrowed his eyes at it, glowing rather brightly. "Where's Touma?" 

Ryo had begun walking down to the water to fetch Touma when he saw Touma in full armor grab Kaoru and take flight, straight up into the clouds. "Touma? TOUMA!" Ryo took off running to the water, switching into full armor. Close behind him where the other three, having gone outside just in time to see their archer in flight, with Kaoru.

~

Touma landed on a cloud, quickly figuring out the trick Kayura had used when he fought her the first time. Kaoru growled at him and took a step back, "Clever. Too Clever."

"Clever but amusing for you?" Touma eyed the knife still in Kaoru's hand. He stretched his arms above his head, carefully discharging a single arrow but kept it hidden from Kaoru's view. "Why didn't you ever take me? You had more then a few chances."

"Maybe I did." Kaoru smirked as the Trooper moved closer to him, "Maybe you just don't remember."

"Lies." Touma played this game well, he reached out and touched Kaoru's face with his hand, running his thumb along his lips, he moved in close. "I would have known."

"You would." Kaoru brushed his lips against Touma's.

"This is for Hiro." Touma whispered, he drove his arrow into one of Kaoru's eyes, letting go of it as he felt Kaoru drive that knife into his side. Touma took an unsteady step back, he gripped the knife and pulled it out, dropping it, a little surprised that it went through his new armor.

Kaoru screamed in pain, he clutched his eye the arrow sticking out of it, "YOU!" He growled and howled in pain. "I'll kill you for this."

"Not if I kill you first."

Kaoru looked up, with his remaining eye. Touma had pulled out another arrow and drawn his bow back fully. the tip of the arrow almost touching Kaoru's face. "This close?" He grinned, "This close, you won't survive this."

"There's a small chance for me. But you? Nothing." Touma used his ultimate attack, that close to Kaoru, it enveloped them both. 

his friends stared in horror as they saw the flash in the sky, and they truly feared the worse. It didn't improve when they saw a figure falling from the sky to the water, Shin used his abilities to catch him before he hit the water hard, easing his fall.

Shin dove in and pulled him ashore right into Ryo's arms. Touma's helmet pulled off his head, "Touma?" Ryo looked up at Shin, noticing the blood, then down at Touma, "No." Ryo quickly deactivate Touma's armor and under gear, seeing the blood soaking into his shirt, Ryo ripped it off him so he could see the wound better. "Touma?" He begged. "Please." Ryo sobbed.

Shin was on his knees beside him, he could try to heal this. But it looked so bad. "Ryo he's not breathing." Shin whimpered as he focused his efforts on using his own armor's power to heal Touma's stab wound. Seiji and Shu stood nearby, at a loss at what to do.

~

Touma's eyes slipped open, his head hurt. "Where am I?" He looked around so many cherry blossom trees. "This is a bit much."

"Isn't it? Mine was a beach."

Touma turned to the voice, "Hiro?" He stared at him, just standing there. "Hiro!" He ran to him and was caught in his arms, that's when he realized he was still in his armor. He stepped back and looked at his hands, before looking back at Hiro. "What's going on?"

Hiro touched his lover's face, "You look amazing in this." He looked around, "Well, I'm dead. You are in between. You did a crazy thing love."

Touma smiled at the touch, then the smile faded. "Did it work?" He looked around, "In between?"

"Yes, it worked. Kaoru is dead. More so in lots of little pieces, you did a pretty good job of ending him. You're dying Touma. But you can survive this, just you need to make that choice and you don't really get much time." Hiro sighed as he took Touma's hand in his and lead him through the trees, "This is so awful and tacky. Like out of some romance comic book." He finally came to a clearing where a pond was, that was currently showing Shin's slow attempts at healing him, and Ryo trying to get Touma to breathe, to open his eyes. Which was mostly Ryo begging. Seiji was now sitting on the ground in tears, utterly beside himself. Shu just stood there in shock, he looked so lost and confused. And Shin was trying so hard.

Touma frowned as he watched, before turning back to Hiro. "I made mistakes with us, I never told you. I love you. I left and you died because of me."

"I died because I saw Kaoru and you vanish on the day you left. I asked him about it when I saw him again, he looked so mad at me. Don't blame yourself for my actions. I shouldn't have followed you." Hiro slipped his arms around Touma's shoulders. "I knew, but I knew you where in love with someone else. Even if you lie about it. You're not going to stay are you? That would be incredibility stupid of you." He kissed him, "Because I love you, I want you happy."

Touma wrapped his arms around Hiro's waist and returned the kiss, he listened to him and held onto him. But he turned around when he heard Ryo cries. "I want to be happy."

"Touma please." Ryo sobbed, "Don't do this, we just got you back. You can't just die like this." He whimpered and nuzzled him, "Please, I'll do anything."

Hiro let go of him and gave Touma a hard push into the pond. "Anything?" Touma whispered.

Ryo blinked his eyes as he moved and looked at the man in his arms, "Touma?"

Shin blinked as Touma's own armor started to kick in and heal him, with Shin's armor's help. "Touma!"

Seiji had stopped crying and was much closer to Ryo, who was holding Touma. Shu had moved and was on his knees beside Shin.

Touma's eyes opened and he was hugged by his friends, He yelped and carefully pushed them away so he could breathe, he was weak and exhausted. his body was healing at it's faster rate, but he still lost quite a bit of blood. "You said you'd do anything?" Touma tried to shift his position in Ryo's lap, and noticed his shirt was gone, he decided that wasn't important.

"I might have." Ryo sniffled as he helped Touma sit up.

Touma Hashiba tugged Ryo Sanada into his arms, "Then stay with me." He kissed him, "I love you Ryo." He nuzzled his face into his neck and whispered the last part..

Ryo smiled into the kiss, "I'm never letting you go again." He held onto him and blushed at Touma's whispered confession, He nuzzled his face into Touma's neck, "I love you too, Touma-kun."

Touma grumbled at that, "Don't call me that."

"But you're cute."

"Stop!"

"Never."

"Promise?"

Ryo sealed his promise with a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DONE. Well the Epilogue is next.


	5. Epilogue : To Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Domestic life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need the sleep.

They where in their 40s by the time things began to change.

Nasuti had 'given' the manor to Touma and Ryo when the pair hit 30, Touma had been working incredibly hard to get his PhD since everything had happened. He did manage to get it. And was now running a planetarium in Shinjuku.

Ryo however had gone a more -natural- route for him. Teaching history at a high school in Shinjuku.

"What are you doing?" Touma looked over Ryo's shoulder, "Why are you filling out...a Marriage license?"

Ryo smirked, "Because the world is changing, as is Japan. I mean it won't be valid everywhere, But we live here in Shinjuku. It's not a marriage license it's a Partnership certificates, which is the same, kind of." Ryo shrugged his shoulders, "It means if we end up in the hospital we'll have the same rights as we'd have if we where married."

Touma sat down beside Ryo, "No ring, no proposal?"

"We exchanged rings years ago, we just don't wear them. I'll get down on my knees for you later, I need to finish this, and you need to sign it." Ryo leaned over and stole a kiss.

"Yea, but this kind of make you my husband instead of my boyfriend." Touma scooted his chair over and slipped his arms around Ryo and nuzzled him. 

Ryo stopped what he was doing and smiled at that, "I like the sound of that, husband. We've been together for over 20 years."

Touma reached over him and signed the form, He stayed there watching Ryo finish filling it out. "We'll file it tomorrow?"

"Yes." Ryo stood up and kissed his -husband-. "Husband."

Touma blushed and took his and in his and pulled him to the largest bedroom which was now theirs. "Then let's celebrate."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I can go to sleep.
> 
> at 9:39 AM.


End file.
